Refiners fire

You know how people always use that analogy of God putting us in the fire and refining us like Gold, to get all the dirty parts off...the last couple of weeks I have felt so refined. It's amazing to look at your life and see all the changes and know you have nothing to do with it. Amazing and also humbling that God would desire to form me more into his likeness.
So, what's been going on? Well, God has been preparing our hearts for adoption. And as painful as it has been to let go of the hope of getting pregnant and having a baby, it's been so freeing to cling only to the hope of God. I've found that in fighting infertility it's almost impossible not to let it become an idol in your life. It totally consumes you: your time, emotion, energy, health, money, thoughts. There's not a single part it doesn't touch. In all our efforts to keep it in perspective and keep in check with God, it wasn't until I let it go that I realized what I was holding on to.
God has made it clear to both me and my husband, that our true desire is to be parents. As spoken to me by my husband, we are all adopted children in to God's family. And it makes no difference if the children we raise are from our gene pool, or someone else's.
The last few years have been the most challenging in my life. They've also revealed to me so much of God's character, his love for me, and the sovereigness of his plan for us. It has been and continues to be the sword in my side. And as much as I'm sometimes reminded of it's pain, I'm also reminded of it's driving force to bring me closer to God. My one true desire in this lifetime. I praise Him in this storm, and I hope for more storms to come.